How you say it - Grammar counts

Continuing with the three way breakdown of How you say things, out of

• Structure
• Grammar
• Delivery

Now we are looking at grammar "the principles or rules of an art, science, or technique " of communication. Everything on the language of what you say, from vocabulary, sentence structure to  figures of speech, falls in this category.

Grammar

One of my favorite examples of grammar as an effective tool is the question posed by Groucho Marx: "So, when did you stop beating your wife?" 

Grammar is the easiest and hardest thing to effect in your speaking. You have a whole storehouse of grammatical patterns built into your everyday speech and thinking. If these consist of good habits, then life is good otherwise you have that much more work ahead of you. If you need to improve your use of words, your common figures of speech, you overall way of string words into sentences and thoughts, the good news is you have a lot of opportunities to do it - whenever you open your mouth. The bad news is you will need to break old habits, conscious of what you say and how whenever you open your mouth.

Lose bad habits

Look for easy things first - cuss words and outright obscenities first. Then look for otherwise over-used phrases "duh", "you know", "whatever". Listen to yourself carefully. For a real eye opener try a voice operated recorder - just carry it around in a pocket for a day or so. You'll listen and cringe. Kids are also helpful in pointing out some of these foibles.

Once you are attacking these verbal bad habits, they'll often cause you to fill in the spaces with other sounds - um's and ah's that you'll need to prevent lest they get added as another verbal twitch.

Try to replace bad habits with good habits, instead of always simply going cold turkey. For instance, replace "you know" with "do you understand?" This is a helpful feedback mechanism and it's long enough that you'll drop it when you don't need, just to save the effort.

Have a goal

As you conquer your bad habits - replacing bad habits with better habits, you'll slowly acquire a growing awareness of what you say, as you say it. At this point, you can start thinking ahead more easily, thinking about the goal, the reason your point of what you are saying.

Now you are integrating structure!

There's more...

How you speak is as important as what you speak

How you say something carries as much weight as what you say.

If you are disorganized or offensive or even too loud or too soft, your listener will not concentrate on what you are saying. They're spending too much time thinking about how you are speaking.

How you speak covers a multitude of topics, but it easier to break the elements down to:

• Structure - How you organize what you say
• Grammar - How you word what you say 
• Delivery - How you say it, including eye contact, voice control and body language

Structure

The structure of what you are saying starts with one simple thing: What's your point?

If you start speaking and you don't know what your point is, why you are speaking? In most contexts you really needn't bother to start yammering simply to add your bray to the fray.

Now this doesn't preclude speaking to move along a conversation that's just for fun. That is a point in and of itself. Even in a pleasant conversation, if you simply repeat what the previous person said or repeat yourself, you will not add to the conversation and you'll be left out or the conversation will simply wither away.

Participating in a pleasant conversation is a different reason for speaking than trying to convince your boss to give you a raise. Having a different point is going to change the structure of what you say and this is a key example of it.

When your point is "I'm important to this company and I would like a raise", your overall structure might come down to:

1. I have made valuable contributions to the company this year - don't you agree?
2. I haven't had a raise recently.
3. Please give me a raise.
4. I know you think you can't give me a raise because of X, but you should because of Y.
5. Thanks for the raise.

Now this isn't a huge mental effort, but having a structure means having a plan and means having thought out what you are doing and why you are speaking. A good place to start. 

The how of speaking is separate from the what. This is actually a topic that has been thought on. studied and written about for thousands of years. It is called Rehetoric. This is often used in a pejorative sense - that rhetoric obscures the true meaning of speech as "in insincere or grandiloquent language".

Now though, you have an idea of the importance and value of Rhetoric - properly the study of writing or speaking as a means of communication or persuasion and how important it is each time you open your mind through your mouth. As such, here is a good introduction, a Rhetoricae.

How you speak = How you think

Whenever you open your mouth to speak, remember this:

How well you speak is an indication of how well you think. 

If you speak well, it reflects an ability to think well.  Conversely, if you think well, very often (particularly in comfortable situations) you will speak well.

The Speaker's Silver Bullet

If you are looking for one important thing, the silver bullet, the undiscovered miracle of public speaking, it is:

      Toastmasters International.

For a first year expense of less than $50, you get regular experiences speaking in front of a group and getting the most valuable feedback you are likely to ever receive. It's like having a roomful of speaking tutors at your disposal. And you get to sit in the role of teacher and evaluator as well, tuning your critical listening and thinking skill further.

You'll get a book that will take you on a 10 lesson course in the fundamentals of public speaking - something that you will come back to time and time again.

There is no better avenue for learning public speaking.

Now that I've obviated this website, I guess I'll go home now. I just wish I could keep a good thing to myself....!

Nothing to say? Then don't say anything!

That's why this bit of blog has been so long in coming. Much like any good speech, toast or presentation, a blog should have something to say and should say it well. Concise, well-organized and thoughtful is preferred to wordy, rambling and haphazard.

In that vein, the thought occurs "What if I have nothing to say but I must say something?". For those times when you are in situation where you need to exhibit some leadership, thoughtfulness or insight - but find yourself (momentarily) bereft of any of these - don't simply open your mouth and start yammering. Instead, rise above the fray and simply Ask a question.

Grasp onto whatever threads of conversation you have heard and think of the basics: What? Where? Why? When? How? Who?

There are always questions, you just need to keep a questioning frame of mind. So often we are called on to know that it seems we can't ask questions and show that we don't know. But remember, the quest to know more always begins with a question.

Sometimes it's hard to ask the real questions you have, to the people you are with. Such as your boss. I can understand the dynamic where quizzing the boss isn't going to get you very far. So, try asking yourself the question. Very often the phrase "I was asking myself..." is the perfect way to open a line of questions to a group without threatening, challenging or badgering anyone.

Try a mental exercise (or as a game with friends): As you listen to or participate in a conversation, pretend the only thing you can do is ask questions. No statements, assertions, or exclamations that aren't in the form of a question. It's actually pretty fun.